


Self Reflection

by IndigoDream



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Elul, F/F, Female Jewish Character, Jewish Character, Jewish Clary, Jewish Holidays, Jewish Maia, LGBTQ Jewish Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-11-08 07:17:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20831525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IndigoDream/pseuds/IndigoDream
Summary: Clary gets ready for the day, and for the upcoming High Holidays.





	Self Reflection

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! 
> 
> This is my (first ? possibly ?) fic for the High Holy Days Challenge of Jewish Shadowhunters! I am not Jewish, but I have tried to be as respectful as possible, and done a bunch of research to try and be as correct as I could on this! However, if there is anything wrong/disrespectful/etc, feel free to point it out! 
> 
> Enjoy the fic :)

The bathroom’s door is open, which is not an unusual thing for a morning in the small apartment in Brooklyn. Clary likes listening to Maia as she walks around the kitchen, making breakfast while she braids her hair. Since their wedding eight months ago, and subsequent renting of an apartment that is fully theirs, not Maia’s or Clary’s, the two women have settled into a pleasant routine. Maia will wake up first, say her morning prayers, go make coffee for the both of them before bringing it back to bed. At this point, Clary wakes up, says her own prayers, and they then enjoy their first cup of coffee of the day cuddled like this. Afterwards, Maia will go make a real breakfast while Clary goes to the bathroom to braid her hair so that it will fit under the tichel properly. 

Somedays, of course, Clary wakes up first, and she is the one to make the coffee. On those days, she often takes the time to snap a quick picture of Maia, who always manages to look divine, no matter the time of the day or night, or to make a quick sketch if her wife is still deeply asleep. Every morning, whether it’s the one or the other waking up first, is a blessing.

“Babe,” Maia calls out from the kitchen, “Are you going to be ready soon? We’ve got to meet with Simon before you two go to your meeting with the publishers.” 

“Give me two minutes,” Clary shouts back. Wrapping the tichel around her hair is always a task that she finds relaxing in its complexity. She supposes it’s her artistic side that pushes her to always look for a more elaborate way of tying it rather than the simple manner Bubbe Helen had taught her when she had announced her intention to marry Maia. 

Clary has always been incredibly grateful of the way the Lewis took her in after her mom died when she was only five. They had welcomed her into their home, into their traditions and religion. Clary gained a new family, and an unshakeable belief the day she was finally adopted by Elaine. She had chosen to officially convert on her twelfth birthday, when she had been sure that it was what she wanted, and she has never regretted it. She loves her community, and she can only be forever thankful for it. 

“You look great,” Maia says from the bathroom’s threshold. “Come have breakfast now.” 

Clary smiles and comes to kiss her softly before following her to the kitchen. 

\---

The meeting with the publishers goes well. Their graphic novel is really taking an amazing shape, and she is glad she gets to do that with her foster brother, who also happens to be her best friend. Simon and her have a small lunch at a nearby restaurant, during which they go over everything that happened, talking about what changes they need to make, what possibility for a continuation they have. 

“We are all meeting at Mom’s house for dinner before going to the first Selichot service on Saturday,” Simon starts with a smile as they are going down the stairs of the metro, “Will you and Maia be coming?” 

“I think yes! Might have a hard time keeping my wife awake until midnight,” they both chuckle at that. Maia is notorious early sleeper, early riser. 

“My wife here, my wife there…” Simon teases, jostling her shoulder. 

“Hey, I’m happy! Bubbe asked me when you were going to find a nice Jewish lady like I did when she called last week, so I think you should start being concerned with your own wife.” Clary chuckles and jostles her brother back. 

“Bah,” he exclaims, “I’ve got all the time in the world! Not everyone gets married at 26!” 

“No,” She smiles, agreeing with him. “I got lucky with Maia.” 

They chat a bit more in the metro before Clary leaves, her stop being the first one. She walks back home to her apartment, cataloguing in her mind everything she has to do. She is in charge of dinner that evening, but she also has to go over the illustrations for their novel again, fix everything, add a few more panels… But most importantly, she has to take some time for her daily reflections. She enjoys the process during Elul, reflecting on the past year, on every thing, whether it be good or bad. It’s something she has always enjoyed doing. She always feels more at peace with herself, closer to her family and their community, when she does it properly. 

So she goes to her studio, putting down her bag next to her desk, and she grabs her favorite sketchbook. She uses that one for more personal drawings rather than her professional illustrations. She likes flipping back and forth, seeing what she was dealing in the previous month and how she overcame it. 

Clary has always linked her art to herself in profound ways, and so it makes sense to her that she conveys her self reflection on the page like this. 

Her drawings are simplistic, more lines and shapes than actual figures or characters. It allows her more freedom like this, she finds, freedom to really be honest and open with herself, to let herself accept both the bad and the good that came with the year that just passed. 

One good thing she did. _Marry Maia_, her first thought, is too obvious. It’s more a good thing that happened rather than a good thing she did, as well. She keeps looking. 

The good becomes shaped like a tichel. She got better at doing it on her own, just like she had promised herself she would last year. It had taken afternoons with Bubbe Helen, hours of YouTube tutorials, and Maia’s endless support, but it’s been a few months now that she can do it on her own in less than twenty minutes every morning. 

One bad thing now. It’s always more difficult to accept your own shortcomings, but it’s important to do so. To be fully, unabashedly truthful, it’s important during Elul. How would she be able to do better if she didn’t? She wouldn’t be able to look at herself in the mirror. 

She has done her fair share of bad things throughout the year. She didn’t go to Shabbat with her family once a month, she didn’t go to the synagogue as often as she had intended to, she had sometimes forgotten her morning prayers... but the one she wants to focus on for today, because she has already done most of those previously, is that she hasn’t managed to go meet back Luke, her mother’s boyfriend at the time of her death. He’s a good man, and she has a good relationship with him, but this year she hadn’t had the heart to see him face to face after the wedding. She usually saw him every year on the anniversary of her mother’s death, and they had a cup of coffee and chatted a bit, but this year her first real meeting with the publishers had been that day. And she hadn’t attempted to see him again after that. She had texted him a few times, but it wasn’t the same. 

So she draws a grave, beautifully laid out with flowers growing all over it, and she draws two cups of coffee, and she allows herself to face what she failed to do. She vows to herself to make more effort, to be more present and to talk more with Luke. He is a good man, and she knows he had loved her mother immensely. It pains her, the reminder, but she needs it as well. It pushes her to do better, to make sure she won’t make the same mistake over again. 

She keeps drawing for a little while more, thinking and feeling, and it feels good. 

That evening, she undoes her tichel before Maia comes home and prepares a meal for the two of them. She will keep going and doing well in the year coming.


End file.
